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A Letter to Present and Future Clients

A Letter to Present and Future Clients

How to Re-Wire Your Brain

How to Re-Wire Your Brain

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

How to Be Kinder to Yourself

How to Be Kinder to Yourself

The Best Type of Therapy for You?

The Best Type of Therapy for You?

Recent Posts

A Letter to Present and Future Clients

A Letter to Present and Future Clients

I am and will be your #1 fan. I will support you, challenge you and guide you. However, I do not have a magic wand. I cannot fix you or cure you. I cannot single-handedly change you or a circumstance in your life. One of the biggest reasons I love my job so much is because I have helped guide countless people through a journey of growth, helping them achieve the goals they set out to. The lightbulb turns on, their personality begins to shift, and beautiful events begin to unf

How to Re-Wire Your Brain

How to Re-Wire Your Brain

As I've written in previous posts, our brains form pathways in early childhood that become strengthened over the course of our lives that coincide with how we think, react and behave. Our thoughts become our own worst enemies. Our brains are incredibly powerful. However, they are also incredibly malleable. We spend 95% of our time in our subconscious. How we think, what we do and how we react are more often than not done subconsciously -- done without conscious thought. There

Are You Addicted to Your Emotions?

Are You Addicted to Your Emotions?

Similarly to being addicted to anything else (i.e., drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling), people can also be addicted to their emotions. When we experience an emotional reaction, powerful chemicals known as neurotransmitters (i.e., dopamine and norepinephrine), surge through our bodies. These neurotransmitters thus affect our nervous systems, eliciting a physiological response in our bodies. That's why when we experience certain emotions, our heart rate can change, our breathi

How to Heal Shame

How to Heal Shame

Shame. Something that many people deal with at some point in their lives. We often pick it up in childhood (but it can happen in adulthood, often ignited by beliefs formed in childhood) from other people through their words and actions. Then we carry it as our own. And throughout our life, we will continue to recreate situations and/or dynamics that reinforce this shame we feel towards or about ourselves throughout adulthood. The cycle of shame looks like this: 1. We have a s

Why is it so Hard to Change?

Why is it so Hard to Change?

In previous posts, I've mentioned the concept of subconscious programming, and why it is that we become set in our ways. Before the age of 7, our brain is in a state of theta, similar to hypnosis. Our parents, and later teachers and peers, create our "reality." By the age of 7 years, subconscious programming is complete. We are TAUGHT what we believe and how to act. Because we are not aware of this process, we continue to act the same way over and over again, becoming stuck i

New Year, New You?

New Year, New You?

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy that I hear the most often from new clients (or anyone outside of work who is embarking on a new recovery process) is they think that by just coming to therapy (or engaging in whatever modality they choose), they will change or things will change around them. Many new clients believe I have some sort of magic wand -- that by just coming to talk to me, their problems will be solved and their issues will be fixed. Now there defini

Surviving Your Family During the Holidays

Surviving Your Family During the Holidays

Although I love the holiday season and LOVE spending quality time with my family, not everyone does. I understand that the holidays can be tough for anyone, whether it's because of strained relationships or lack thereof. Here are some ways that you can best maneuver the many stressors that can come up when being around family during the holiday season. 1. Evaluate your triggers What are the interactions, statements, questions or behaviors that tend to ignite an adverse emotio

How to Start Giving Up Being Perfect

How to Start Giving Up Being Perfect

I had to give up being perfect a long time ago. It was an impossible ideal that I consistently "failed" at achieving over and over again. Not because I'm not smart enough, good enough or capable enough. Simply because perfection doesn't exist. My definition of perfection was subjective, as well as completely different from other people's. Therefore, I had gotten caught on the hamster wheel of trying to live up to not only my own unrealistic expectations, but what I also perce

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

Your parents may have wronged you, harmed you or neglected you - whether it is now or in the past. And because of how your parents treated you or what they taught you, you may very well have developed core beliefs about yourself and the world around you that are negative and self-defeating. HOWEVER, those beliefs and resentments you have held onto all this time are not serving you. They are keeping you stuck. In no way am I saying that your feelings are invalid. In no way am

How Your Gut is Contributing to Your Problems

How Your Gut is Contributing to Your Problems

The importance of gut health More often than not, I have clients struggling with anxiety and depression that also have problems with digestion. Our "gut" says a lot about our overall health, especially our mental health. If our digestive system is not in balance and our parasympthaetic nervous system is not properly activated, we can thus experience a whole slew of extra problems such as immune deficiencies, anxiety, depression, chronic diarrhea, skin/allergy reactions, forge

How to Get Over a Break-up

How to Get Over a Break-up

The last thing you may want to hear is that getting over your ex will take time. However, time allows us to process our emotions, reconstruct our beliefs about the relationship, and thus accept moving forward. Below, I give you some tips on how to move past a break-up -- pick yourself up the floor, heal your wounds, move towards self-confidence, and allow yourself to recognize any maladaptive patterns you can resolve so that your next relationship is even healthier. Furtherm

Understanding the Mental Strain of Fatigue

Understanding the Mental Strain of Fatigue

Article specially written for CounselingByTheSeaNJ.com By: Freya Amber We live in a fast-paced world where stress and lack of sleep are normalized as inevitable — even valued — parts of work life. However, there comes a point where you have to stop putting self-care on the back burner, otherwise you will end up going down the rabbit hole and facing burn-out. So if you find yourself feeling excessively sluggish, unable to concentrate, and fighting to focus, you may have to

Tapping Your Way to Emotional Freedom

Tapping Your Way to Emotional Freedom

Tapping is a technique I often teach clients struggling with issues such as anxiety, weight loss, trauma, difficulty processing emotions, and self-esteem, to name a few. The emotional freedom technique of tapping provides relief for several emotional and physical issues, by utilizing the tapping of pulse points on our hands, face and underarm while repeating negative and eventually positive statements to ourselves to help us process unresolved emotional processes. Our emotion

30-Day Self-Care Challenge

30-Day Self-Care Challenge

In previous posts, I have written about the importance of self-care and how to practice it. I know that sometimes we may not believe we have time to take care of ourselves, or even have the desire to do so. Therefore, I want to give you a 30-day challenge that you can complete on your own -- to help learn how to put yourself first, as well as build your self-confidence and overall well-being! Day 1: Declutter a room or workspace. Day 2: Listen to a guided meditation. Day 3: T

How to Stop Sleepless Nights

How to Stop Sleepless Nights

Before we begin, think about how many hours of sleep you are actually getting. Adults need at least 7-9 hours of sleep a night in order to be able to best function the next day. Getting ourselves on a regular sleep schedule, and regulating our body to do so, is important for our mental, emotional and physical health. Throughout the night, we are experiencing different sleep cycles, some of which includes us being awake. Take a look at what time you need to be up in the mornin

Habits of Successful People

Habits of Successful People

1. They don't hit the snooze button. At night, plan your outfit, to-do list and tasks for the next day. Wake up early. Start your day with positive affirmations and review your goals for the day. Meditate for at least 5 minutes. If possible, exercise in the morning as a way to allow yourself to burn energy all day long. Allow your mornings to be productive and pleasant, not dreary and dreaded. 2. They are purpose-oriented. Set goals for yourself, and methods to keep track of

Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive

Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive

Being assertive means sticking up for yourself and not wavering on your stance or point of view. Practicing assertiveness is achieved by RESPECTING the other person's viewpoint, regardless of whether or not you agree with it. It is possible to ask for what you want, get a point across, and receive what you deserve WITHOUT being aggressive. Assertive people state their opinions, while continuing to be respectful of others. Passive people don't state their opinions at all. Pass

Are You an Alcoholic?

Are You an Alcoholic?

I often meet people who ask me if I think they have a problem with drugs and/or alcohol. My answer is always the same: "I cannot decide that for you." I do not label individuals, especially when it comes to alcohol or drug abuse. Part of recovery comes from the acknowledgment of one's condition and acceptance of it. If you believe you have a problem with alcohol (and/or drugs), answer the questions below to yourself. Then, reach out for help. Because if you are even consideri

What to Do When You Don't Get Your Way

What to Do When You Don't Get Your Way

When we don't get our way, we may throw a tantrum (hello, reverting back to a child-like state!), question the meaning of the outcome, or even (shockingly!) practice acceptance. Below I provide you with some steps to take to help you better cope when something doesn't go the way you wanted it to or how you planned it to. 1. Take a step back and evaluate. 2. Acknowledge your feelings and accept them without judgement of yourself. Allow yourself to feel, and process your emotio

Social Media & Self-esteem

Social Media & Self-esteem

Although social media has become a wonderful platform to connect with loved ones, celebrities, journalists and one another, it also has it consequences related to self-esteem. During counseling, I often hear about experiences with cyber-bullying, or individuals feeling negatively about themselves as a result of comparing what they see others posting and experiencing on social media to their own lives. Regardless of the many benefits of social media, especially from a professi

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