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A Letter to Present and Future Clients

A Letter to Present and Future Clients

How to Re-Wire Your Brain

How to Re-Wire Your Brain

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

How to Be Kinder to Yourself

How to Be Kinder to Yourself

The Best Type of Therapy for You?

The Best Type of Therapy for You?

Recent Posts

What You Are and Are Not Responsible For

What You Are and Are Not Responsible For

I often hear from people the misconception that they are responsible for way more things than they actually are. And by taking on responsibility for things that are not in fact our obligation, we can experience symptoms of stress, burn-out, resentment, depression, codependency, etc. We have enough on our plate as it is trying to take care of ourselves. Since when did you become the proprietor of other people's feelings, reactions, behaviors or duties? Who taught you that you

Are You Addicted to Your Emotions?

Are You Addicted to Your Emotions?

Similarly to being addicted to anything else (i.e., drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling), people can also be addicted to their emotions. When we experience an emotional reaction, powerful chemicals known as neurotransmitters (i.e., dopamine and norepinephrine), surge through our bodies. These neurotransmitters thus affect our nervous systems, eliciting a physiological response in our bodies. That's why when we experience certain emotions, our heart rate can change, our breathi

How to Heal Shame

How to Heal Shame

Shame. Something that many people deal with at some point in their lives. We often pick it up in childhood (but it can happen in adulthood, often ignited by beliefs formed in childhood) from other people through their words and actions. Then we carry it as our own. And throughout our life, we will continue to recreate situations and/or dynamics that reinforce this shame we feel towards or about ourselves throughout adulthood. The cycle of shame looks like this: 1. We have a s

How to Not Take Things Personally

How to Not Take Things Personally

95% of the time, people are stuck in their thoughts. They are not judging you. They are too distracted with judging themselves. We spend the majority of our day caught up in and distracted by our own thoughts -- whether they are fear-based, self-doubting or obsessive. The ego part of our personality (I do not mean egotistical), is like the little devil on our shoulder telling us that we are not good enough or that guy sitting across the restaurant is making fun of us in his o

What You Deserve in a Partner

What You Deserve in a Partner

You may have already heard the phrase, "we accept what we think we deserve." And that usually ends up being the case. Whether we choose to settle for a partner because we're afraid of never finding the right person, or we accept neglect because we subconsciously believe we deserve it, we may find ourselves in relationships that are not only unsatisfying, but also unhealthy. For a moment, let's put aside the paralyzing fear of being alone forever and drown out the sound of our

Surviving Your Family During the Holidays

Surviving Your Family During the Holidays

Although I love the holiday season and LOVE spending quality time with my family, not everyone does. I understand that the holidays can be tough for anyone, whether it's because of strained relationships or lack thereof. Here are some ways that you can best maneuver the many stressors that can come up when being around family during the holiday season. 1. Evaluate your triggers What are the interactions, statements, questions or behaviors that tend to ignite an adverse emotio

How to Start Giving Up Being Perfect

How to Start Giving Up Being Perfect

I had to give up being perfect a long time ago. It was an impossible ideal that I consistently "failed" at achieving over and over again. Not because I'm not smart enough, good enough or capable enough. Simply because perfection doesn't exist. My definition of perfection was subjective, as well as completely different from other people's. Therefore, I had gotten caught on the hamster wheel of trying to live up to not only my own unrealistic expectations, but what I also perce

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

Why You Should Forgive Your Parents

Your parents may have wronged you, harmed you or neglected you - whether it is now or in the past. And because of how your parents treated you or what they taught you, you may very well have developed core beliefs about yourself and the world around you that are negative and self-defeating. HOWEVER, those beliefs and resentments you have held onto all this time are not serving you. They are keeping you stuck. In no way am I saying that your feelings are invalid. In no way am

How Your Gut is Contributing to Your Problems

How Your Gut is Contributing to Your Problems

The importance of gut health More often than not, I have clients struggling with anxiety and depression that also have problems with digestion. Our "gut" says a lot about our overall health, especially our mental health. If our digestive system is not in balance and our parasympthaetic nervous system is not properly activated, we can thus experience a whole slew of extra problems such as immune deficiencies, anxiety, depression, chronic diarrhea, skin/allergy reactions, forge

Understanding the Mental Strain of Fatigue

Understanding the Mental Strain of Fatigue

Article specially written for CounselingByTheSeaNJ.com By: Freya Amber We live in a fast-paced world where stress and lack of sleep are normalized as inevitable — even valued — parts of work life. However, there comes a point where you have to stop putting self-care on the back burner, otherwise you will end up going down the rabbit hole and facing burn-out. So if you find yourself feeling excessively sluggish, unable to concentrate, and fighting to focus, you may have to

Tapping Your Way to Emotional Freedom

Tapping Your Way to Emotional Freedom

Tapping is a technique I often teach clients struggling with issues such as anxiety, weight loss, trauma, difficulty processing emotions, and self-esteem, to name a few. The emotional freedom technique of tapping provides relief for several emotional and physical issues, by utilizing the tapping of pulse points on our hands, face and underarm while repeating negative and eventually positive statements to ourselves to help us process unresolved emotional processes. Our emotion

30-Day Self-Care Challenge

30-Day Self-Care Challenge

In previous posts, I have written about the importance of self-care and how to practice it. I know that sometimes we may not believe we have time to take care of ourselves, or even have the desire to do so. Therefore, I want to give you a 30-day challenge that you can complete on your own -- to help learn how to put yourself first, as well as build your self-confidence and overall well-being! Day 1: Declutter a room or workspace. Day 2: Listen to a guided meditation. Day 3: T

How to Stop Sleepless Nights

How to Stop Sleepless Nights

Before we begin, think about how many hours of sleep you are actually getting. Adults need at least 7-9 hours of sleep a night in order to be able to best function the next day. Getting ourselves on a regular sleep schedule, and regulating our body to do so, is important for our mental, emotional and physical health. Throughout the night, we are experiencing different sleep cycles, some of which includes us being awake. Take a look at what time you need to be up in the mornin

Habits of Successful People

Habits of Successful People

1. They don't hit the snooze button. At night, plan your outfit, to-do list and tasks for the next day. Wake up early. Start your day with positive affirmations and review your goals for the day. Meditate for at least 5 minutes. If possible, exercise in the morning as a way to allow yourself to burn energy all day long. Allow your mornings to be productive and pleasant, not dreary and dreaded. 2. They are purpose-oriented. Set goals for yourself, and methods to keep track of

Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive

Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive

Being assertive means sticking up for yourself and not wavering on your stance or point of view. Practicing assertiveness is achieved by RESPECTING the other person's viewpoint, regardless of whether or not you agree with it. It is possible to ask for what you want, get a point across, and receive what you deserve WITHOUT being aggressive. Assertive people state their opinions, while continuing to be respectful of others. Passive people don't state their opinions at all. Pass

Are You an Alcoholic?

Are You an Alcoholic?

I often meet people who ask me if I think they have a problem with drugs and/or alcohol. My answer is always the same: "I cannot decide that for you." I do not label individuals, especially when it comes to alcohol or drug abuse. Part of recovery comes from the acknowledgment of one's condition and acceptance of it. If you believe you have a problem with alcohol (and/or drugs), answer the questions below to yourself. Then, reach out for help. Because if you are even consideri

What to Do When You Don't Get Your Way

What to Do When You Don't Get Your Way

When we don't get our way, we may throw a tantrum (hello, reverting back to a child-like state!), question the meaning of the outcome, or even (shockingly!) practice acceptance. Below I provide you with some steps to take to help you better cope when something doesn't go the way you wanted it to or how you planned it to. 1. Take a step back and evaluate. 2. Acknowledge your feelings and accept them without judgement of yourself. Allow yourself to feel, and process your emotio

Social Media & Self-esteem

Social Media & Self-esteem

Although social media has become a wonderful platform to connect with loved ones, celebrities, journalists and one another, it also has it consequences related to self-esteem. During counseling, I often hear about experiences with cyber-bullying, or individuals feeling negatively about themselves as a result of comparing what they see others posting and experiencing on social media to their own lives. Regardless of the many benefits of social media, especially from a professi

Making (and maintaining) Friendships

Making (and maintaining) Friendships

Both maintaining old and forming new friendships as an adult can be difficult. As we grow older, move away, get new jobs, maybe get married and create families, we may find it more and more difficult to maintain friendships we made when we were in middle school, high school, college, first jobs, etc. Below I will share with you some ways to maintain relationships with our oldest loved ones, as well as some tips on how to form new friendships as we manuever adulthood. Sustaini

Myths about Therapy

Myths about Therapy

Therapy can be a confusing and daunting concept if you have never attended before. I often get calls from potential clients expressing their fear of making that initial phone call and questions regarding how the process works. As a therapist, I try to make the process as painless as possible for my clients, assuring them that this is THEIR process. I am here to help you, and do my best to help you as an individual, with the issues you are coming in with. I do not just see cli

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