Here are some do's and don'ts with anger management:
DO:
express how you feel clearly and concisely
recognize your early signs of anger to keep it from escalating
take a time-out for at least 20 minutes to calm down
find healthy outlets (vigorous exercise, free writing) to express your anger safely
do make amends by acknowledging abusive anger
DON'T:
blame others for how you feel. Own your feelings.
ignore your emotions -- they will turn into a stress response and unresolved hurt
leave. Instead, let them know you need a break
use swearing, threatening gestures, block exits or engage in physical contact
just say sorry. Find the tools to change.
Helpful tips to help manage your anger, especially when engaging with another person:
REMEMBER: Your thoughts cause your anger. The other person does not cause your anger.
ASK: Is my anger going to help me achieve my goals?
STOP: Being defensive. Listen to the other person and try to understand their perspective.
THINK: Where am I on the tension/stress scale? (A good practice is to rank your stress or tension from 1-10 with 10 being the most severe. After ranking, cope accordingly).
PRACTICE: Deep breathing and relaxation techniques
IF NECESSARY: Walk away and calm down
For more helpful tips on communication and conflict resolution, see my blog post "Conflict in Relationships"
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